Funny stories, facts and jokes

Hi everyone!

I know that it's the holiday season and everyone is already in high spirits, which is great. But in case you are not really there yet, here are some funny stories to lift up your mood and put that wonderful smile on your face. Enjoy yourselves and keep on smiling!

1.)"Waiter, do you serve crabs?"

     "Sit down, sir. We serve anybody."

2.) Mummy, here's your Christmas present. A box of your favorite chocolates.
     Thanks, but the box is half empty.
     Well, they're my favourite chocolates too.

3.) A vampire bat comes back to his fellow vampires with a blood on his mouth. They stare at him jealously and ask him where he got the blood. He asks them, "Did you see that tree back there?"

"Sure," they reply.
"Well I didn't!"

4.) One night, a few co-workers at the computer data centre where I work stayed late and we all started to get hungry. We decided to order in food by phone, but our boss thought that, since we work with computers, it would be more appropriate to order by Internet. After we contacted a fast food chain's web site and spent a long time registering as new customers for the delivery service, a message appeared on the screeen: "Thank you for your business. You will be able to order food in three days."


5.) A chauffeur worked for a woman who took her cat with her on rides.

During one trip, the driver droped her at a mall before he gasing up. The cat remained in the car, laying down on the top of the limousine's back seat.
The service station's attendant often glanced at unusual passenger. Finally, he asked: "Sir, is that cat someone important?"

6.) While waiting for my first appointment in the reception room of a new dentist, I noticed his certificate, which bore his full name. Suddenly, I remembered that a tall, handsome boy with the same name had been in my high school class some 45 years ago.

Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding, gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was too old to have been my classmate.

After he had examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended the local high school.

"Yes," he replied.

"When did you graduate?" I asked.

"In 1952."

"Why, you were in my class!" I exclaimed.

He looked at me closely, and then asked, "What did you teach?"

7.) Things You Did Not Know

A crocodile cannot stick out its tongue.

A snail can sleep for three years.

All polar bears are left handed.

Americans on average eat 18 acres of pizza every day.

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

Babies are born without knee caps. They don't appear until the child reaches 2 to 6 years of age.

Butterflies taste with their feet

Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds, dogs only have about 10.

China has more English speakers than the United States.

Donald Duck comics were banned in Finland because he doesn't wear any pants.

Elephants are the only animals that can't jump.

February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon.

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you will have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.

Leonardo da Vinci invented the scissors.

Marilyn Monroe had six toes.

No word in the English language rhymes with month.

Nutmeg is extremely poisonous if injected intravenously.

Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.

Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people do.

Shakespeare invented the word 'assassination' and 'bump'.

Starfish haven't got brains.

The ant always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.

The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.

The cruise liner, Queen Elizabeth 2, moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns.

The name of all the continents end with the same letter that they start with.

The name Wendy was made up for the book 'Peter Pan'.

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.

TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.

Women blink nearly twice as much as men.

And finally...

You are more likely to be killed by a Champagne cork than by a poisonous spider