Reader's email- How can I grow taller?

Here's an interesting email regarding height increase methods:

Dear Naz,

I have read a few reports and articles recently about how taller people get better career prospects and even get ahead in their personal lives. But I am very short and have always been bothered by my height, since my school days. Now even more so as I have just started working and I sometimes feel so small, literally! By the way, I am a 25 year old guy. My height is 1.60m and I am 50kg. I have tried quite a number of ways over the past year to increase my height but I am not getting the desired results. I have tried 'spine stretching' exercises, growth pills and muscle strengthening exercises. I like playing soccer as well and I had hoped that being a few inches taller might help me in that aspect as well.
Any advice for me? Thanks a lot!

Darryl, Chef, Singapore


Hi Darryl,

Your problem struck a chord with me because I had this very same problem when I was 15! I was 1.58m then and needless to say, I was the shortest in a class of 40, even shorter than the all the girls! I tried almost every method that I could find as well, stretching exercises, 'special' foods, supplements and a few other strange methods. I only started growing taller around 17 and grew to my current height of 1.78m(5'10") by the time I was 19 or 20.

Being already 25 years old, it is unlikely that you would see a visible increase in your height. I know that it might hurt to hear this, but this is the truth. Scientific evidence has shown that guys stop growing when they reach the ages of 21-24 and girls the ages of 17-19. The only other method that could see a visible increase in height that you could still utilize at your age would be to undergo the height increase surgery method. You could check out this site: http://ilizarovheightincrease.com/procedure.html#process if you are keen to learn more about this procedure but just for general info, what they do is that the thighbones are sawed apart and an implant is attached in the break to add length to the bone. You would use a devise attached to your leg to stretch the bones each day until you reach the maximum increase possible.

It is an extremely painful and expensive method(cost could be around $50,000) that is used by people who are really desperate to increase their height due to various reasons(most people who does this are people who would like to increase their height to meet job requirements, to be a model, air stewardess etc). Plus there is a risk of infection.

Other methods such as protein shakes, stretching exercises and growth hormone injections might help you increase your height but in most cases only minimally(perhaps 2 cm or 1 inch). By the way, in case you are interested, more of the above stretching exercises, nutritional tips and others could be found at http://www.heightincreasesite.com/growtaller/stretching.html.

However, my suggestion to you would be to be satisfied with your current height and make the most of it. It does not matter how tall or short you are in any industry unless you make it as such. Spud Webb was the shortest player in the National Basketball Association and when he took part in the slam dunk contest in 1986, people were skeptical as to whether he could even dunk, let alone attain high scoring ones! But he shook up the entire contest by not only completing his dunks, but doing it in style. If you ever need inspiration on the fact that you could overcome any adversity to achieve success in professional sports, please check out his slam dunk contest performace at http://www.youtube.com/. Truly amazing to see someone at 1.70m(5'7") outdunk players 2.00m(6'7").

It shows that if you truly have the desire and passion for something, nothing could stand in your way to success. So go through each day with a smile, do your best in everything and aim as high as possible in all your goals(professional and personal)! All the best!

Naz

Tips to boost your self confidence

I met a friend who had everything going for him; a great job, a wonderful partner and a very bright future. But he seemed to lack confidence and self esteem. He has a negative thing to mention about a lot of things that others view as being outstanding, such as his work accomplishments. It is such a pity that despite having had a lot of success, he tends to focus more on things that are negative. It is important to keep focusing on the positive aspect of your lives otherwise you migjht lose all that you have painstakingly earned, all because of yor mindset shifting into negative gear too often. Yes, we all do have our 'bad days' but we should not dwell too much on it all the time. Here are some great tips on boosting your self confidence to get yourselves back on the positive track to accomplish your goals:

1.) Focus on someone who you see as a great role model
It could be your best friend, your spouse, your teacher or even your favourite sports star! I have a friend who always close his eyes and visualize his favourite Tennis player everytime he feels a lack of confidence. He says just thinking about how his favorite player(by the way, his favourite player is Roger Federer) exudes confidence on court despite all distractions and adversity gives him a boost of confidence. Try it! Or better yet, imagine your favourite star mentoring or giving a pep talk to you in times of low self confidence!

2.) Take notice when you feel confident and when you do not.
Being aware of the situation would allow you to get into the more positive situation more often to get your mindset adjusted. Be aware of the people whom you are communicating with, the thing that you are doing and the environment.

3.) Confidence is a state of mind. Use positive self talk!
Listen to what you usually tell yourself. Is it positive? Make it a point to say great things to yourself often. Do this especially in the mornings and just before you go to bed to get it locked into your subconscious. In a few weeks, you should be feeling much better from all the positive self talk! Remember, act confident and you will BE confident!

4.) Share your feelings with positive people
When you share your experiences with positive people, you will be given an honest perspective of situations. Just sharing and communicating with such people can boost your self confidence because you tend to 'feed off' their own self confidence and self esteem.

Feel free to email me at bodypulse@ymail.com. I would be glad to hear from you. Have a great day!

Breaking down barriers course

Hi everyone! We are pleased to inform you of our new programme launching on the 28th of February. It is called 'Breaking down barriers' and its objectives are:

- To allow participants from different races and cultures to enjoy one another's unique way of life
- To break down all barriers to communication by maximiazing the powers of body language
- To relieve stress and enjoy the day in Singapore's multi-racial and multi-religious flavour.

So if you are feeling stressed, would like to make new friends or would like to improve your communication skills(or all three!), please feel free to sign up for this unique experience. Here's more information:

Date: 28th February 2010
Time: 12pm-5pm
Venue: East Coast Park
Fees: $20 (Inclusive of light refreshments)

The programme highlights:
- 1 hour unique games on effective communication skills
- 2 hours trip around Singapore to experience the cultural diversity
- 1 hour 30 minutes of powerful tips and techniques to get ahead using body language.

Please email us at bodypulse@ymail.com to register or for further enquiries. Thank you.

Interesting facts

I stumbled upon an interesting article in a magazine. It mentioned that the brain is more active during the night than the day. This was a very interesting fact for me as I usually work late nights. And I do feel the difference. Sometimes when I try to solve some puzzles/brain teasers during the mornings, I tend to take a little more time to solve than during the night, generally speaking of course. Probably you morning larks might strongly disagree with me but hey, we all have our own strengths and weaknesses. Here's  more interesting facts that I have found from the web and some books.


- Scientists say the higher your I.Q. the more you dream.
(I have a close friend who dreams very often and very surprisingly, she could vividly describe the dream right down to the smallest details. I say surprisingly because most people would remember their dream but their recollection would be sketchy. I do not dream that often. I wonder what my IQ is? Do nightmares count?)
 
- Only 1 out of every 10 people say they are satisfied with their jobs.
(This is according to a survey done in 2007. I hope that more people would find their passion and really feel enthusiastic about going to work everyday. Everyone should live life to the fullest, which for most people would mean play and work hard as well.)
- Coffee is the world's most recognizable smell.
(Tea lovers will readily disagree)
 
- Stamp collecting is the most popular hobby in the world.
(It is very heartening to note that even in today's modern society(with the internet, gaming and other high tech hobbies available) good old stamp collecting is still the top hobby)
 
- Hippos can run faster than humans.
(Usain Bolt not included! Another fact to add to this one. In Africa, more humans are killed by Hippos than any other animal. This is amazing as I think most people would probably think that a Lion, Tiger or any other big cats would own that statistic)
 
- Squirrels cannot see the color red.


- When given unlimited access to mice, cats will kill about 15 before stopping.
(See, there is a limit to everything!)

- Recycling one glass jar, saves enough energy to watch T.V for 3 hours!

- The average person laughs 13 times a day!
(A note to everyone, please try to laugh at least three times this amount.The more, the merrier, literally! Laughter truly is the best medicine!)


- Left handed people live slightly shorter lives than right handed people.

- In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.

- You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching television.
(And for those who are particular about your height, your body produces the most growth hormones during sleep as well!)

- More redheads are born in Scotland than in any other part of the world

- Did you know that it takes more muscles to frown than to smile?
(Once again, another good reason for you to smile more!)

Have a great week ahead!

Anger managment course

For those who had missed out on our course in December, we will be having another run on the 27th of February 2010 (Saturday) .

Here are the details of the course:

Anger is a natural emotion which can sometimes be useful in motivating people to deal with things that are not right in their lives or the lives of those around them. However sometimes people can develop patterns of anger that are unhelpful and interfere with their relationships with others or their ability to get on with people at work etc. If left unchecked, this sort of anger can become entrenched and serious damage can be done to relationships or even job security or in extreme cases can lead to problems with the law and physical harm to the person or others. Problems with anger can be exacerbated by the use of alcohol or other drugs.

Anger can be caused by a range of factors from inherited tendencies, traumatic events such as past physical of sexual abuse, through to substance use.

While some people can keep their anger in check when in public contexts, sadly for many it is when they are with the ones they care about the most that their anger is expressed.

YOU Will Learn In This Super Charged

8 hour Workshop:

 How to overcome feelings of anger, frustration and hopelessness!!

 Effective, powerful methods of visualization for all age groups and learning abilities.

 Simple yet super effective acupressure methods to relieve physical, mental and emotional strain!

 Be guided with powerful, long lasting self/group hypnosis to change long standing negative behaviours.

Training Methodology

Lecture, experimental activities/games and discussion. 60% hands on, 40% lecture based.

Duration: 1 day (8 hours)

Date: 27th February 2010 (Saturday)

Time: 9am-6pm
Venue: No.37, Yu Li Ind. Building

            #09-04, Geylang Lor 23
            (Off Sims Avenue)
            Singapore 388371
Fees: $80 (Inclusive of lunch, tea break, course notes and subliminal CD)

Pre-registration is required. Please email us at bodypulse@ymail.com for registration details/enquiries. Thank you.

Adapting to a new environment

We conducted an orientation programme yesterday and the day before for a fun group of 16 year old international students ready to start their education in Singapore. Needless to say, there were lots of interesting questions posed by the students with regards to exam stress, the general lifestyle in Singapore, the transportation system and just general coping with the change of environment. The programme:
- A trip around Singapore to get great ideas of things to see and useful bargains for students. They visited places such as Orchard Road, Raffles Place, The Esplanade and Little India.
- A social etiquette workshop
- A stress management workshop
- An effective communication skills workshop
- Teambonding games

Here's some feedback from the participants:

‘It’s really eye-opening, very friendly Trainers.’

Liew Ling Tchii

‘Good programme overall. It helps us scholars to adapt amazingly fast and make friends too.’
Anonymous

‘Wonderful. Just about covered everything to make us prepared for a new life in Singapore. Brilliant.’
Agrim Singh

We are proud and honoured to receive wonderful feedback from our participants and we are glad that they have learnt invaluable lessons that would prepare themselves for a great career and life.

For students who are thinking of studying in a foreign country(and maybe even living there after completing your studies), here are some simple tips on coping with a change environment. As they say, we live in a world where change is the only constant, so learning how to adapt is key in making sure that you lead and enjoyable and fulfilling life in the new country/environment.

Here are some pointers:

- Read up about the country and its culture before arriving. This way the country and its people seem more familiar when you arrive. Know the major festivals, religions and general information(eg transportation, education, food, accommodation etc).

- Be open-minded. Travel to that country/environment with an enthusiastic mindset. Have something about that lace that you have always wanted to know/see/learn about. By lookingforward to something, it would take your mind away from any stress of adapting to the new place.

- Develop a support network upon arriving. One of the hardest things about being abroad is that you are separated from the network of support you have developed over many years. Such closeness cannot be instantly replaced. Nonetheless, you should make an effort to meet people so that new friendships can develop. Join your school's international students' club or community club. Volunteer on weekends at your favourite type of charity/organization. The key is to try to make as many close friends as possible.

- Try not to be judgmental. While it is natural to feel surprised at other culture's norms/behaviour,  It is important to avoid labeling everything in the as good or bad in comparison with your own culture. Try to assess and understand others' opinions before making a judgement. Put yourself in their shoes. Imagine what these people might think about your unique culture/practices. While you might never get used to certain behaviours, the least that you can do is respect it, just like how you would like others to respect you.

- Enjoy as much as possible. Ok, but do whatever you were here to do first(eg, study, work) but you must spend time doing things that you enjoy as well. Smile and make your days fun and interesting!

Reader's email-Dealing with an angry/moody boss!

Here's an email with regards to dealing with a difficult personality. I am sure that all of you must have come into contact with such a person and might be able to relate to this situation. Let's listen to her:

Dear Naz,

I am a 23 year old lady working as a personal assistant in a law firm. I have been working here for the past six months and it has been pure torture! The problem that I have is with coping with my boss' attitude; he never appeciates what I do! He is rude, arrogant and unappreciative! I once even reported to work when I was down with the flue but he did not even acknowledge it, even though he knew that I was unwell. Instead, he nagged at me for not completing a task on time the previous day. I would have left a few weeks into the job but the pay here is excellent and I was out of a job for a  very long time so I really needed to keep a job. I am also afraid if I were to resign, it might not look good on my resume(it might look like I am a job hopper and would reduce my chances of getting hired elsewhere). Any advice on how to deal with this situation. By the way, I am a Polytechnic graduate in Marketing. Thanks.

Eileen Koh, PA, Singapore



Dear Eileen,

In order to help you to make a decision on what you should do next, you will need to weigh your options by asking yourself some questions. Is the money that you are getting worth all the difficulty that you are going through? For example, when you look at your bank account at the end of the month, do you say to yourself, 'Hey, all the hard work and torture is worth it!' or do you say, 'All this money is good, but I am not happy at all!'

A suggestion would be to try to take a few steps in dealing with your seemingly difficult boss and see if you feel better. Give yourself some time, at least a month. If after trying out several techniques that I am about to tell you and you still feel like you are working in a 'torture chamber' then you would have to weigh your priorities. Which is more important to you at this point in time? Money or happiness? I know you would like to say both(doesn't eevryone!) but if you had to make a choice (which in your situation, you do!) which would it be? Do you mind going through all the problems for a great looking bank account or is living a happy life more important.

Money is great and it helps us achieve our dreams and aspirations but it is not everything. Great health and happines always comes first for most people that I know.

Here's some tips on dealing with a difficult person:

1.) Keep cool

I know sometimes it is easier said than done but you have to use relaxation methods to help yourself cool down. Never ever riase your voice or get your anger and frustrations get out of control. Realise that you are NOT the problem and that you are in total control of yoir emotions. No one else can make you feel sad because you are the only one to determine the way that you feel. You could also leave the area that started the difficult situation for a while as a 'cooling off' technique.

2.) Minimize your response

Just continue doing your job well. Many times when a person initiates a negative message or difficult attitude, they are trying to trigger a response from you. When we react, we are actually giving them what they want. By not showng much emotions/reactions, they might get bored with your unresponsiveness and stop bothering you altogether.

3.) Use a pleasent picture as your personal 'energizer'

Keep your favourite photo near your desk. It could be someone who is special to you or just an all time favourite family outing. Whenever you get yourself in contact with these difficult people and/or situations, just take a deep breath and look at the photo for a minute. Distracting your mind into thinking of happy thoughs and memories are a great way of uplifting your mood. This would allow you to deal with the situation better.

Of course if at the end of the day, you feel the best way is to move on, then do so. Remember that you are still young and having constant stress would affect not just your mood but your general physical well being too. So sit down, think about it very carefully, weigh your options and make your decision. I am sure that with your positive attitude you will definitely go far with whatever decision/s that you ultimately make. All the best!

Naz

If you would like to send a question/comment, please email it to bodypulse@ymail.com. Thank you!

An exercise to improve your creativity

What is creativity?

The Britannica Encyclopedia describes creativity as the ability to produce something new through imaginative skill, whether a new solution to a problem, a new method or device, or a new artistic object or form.

The term generally refers to a richness of ideas and originality of thinking. Psychological studies of highly creative people have shown that many have a strong interest in apparent disorder, contradiction, and imbalance, which seem to be perceived as challenges. Such individuals may possess an exceptionally deep, broad, and flexible awareness of themselves. Studies also show that intelligence has little correlation with creativity; thus, a highly intelligent person may not be very creative.

So how does being creative benefit us?
There are many reasons. Firstly, creativity translates itself into better solutions to problems and more efficient management of time and other resources. You will be able to 'see' problems from different angles and come up with interesting and more solutions/ideas. It is therefore important for anyone, whether you are a student, manager, teacher lawyer or clerk.

It also improves self-confidence. This is because when you are full of creative ideas, you feel more confident at solving anything that comes your way.

Research shows that everyone has creative abilities. Creativity is a skill that can be developed and a process that can be managed.

So, how to improve your creativity?
There are various methods and for today I shall talk about one of them. This technique involves creating an image in your mind involving all five senses. When you do this you are training your mind to visualize better and use both sides of your brain, your logical side(left) and your creative side(right).

Step 1- Look at an object and tremember every detail about it(size, colour, texture etc). Let us use an orange as an example.

Step 2- Close you eyes and take a few deep breaths.

Step 3- Imagine the orange directly in front of you. Imagine the orange being stretched. Hold it. Feel your index finger running across the orange. Put the orange in front of your nose and smell it. Next, imagine peeling or slicing the orange. Remember, make it as real as possible, 'see' the juices splashing, 'hear' the sound of the knife as it slices through the orange, 'feel' the skin peeling in different patterns. Next, imagine taking a slice and tasting it.

Step 4- Take a few deep breaths again and open your eyes.

Try to do this creative exercise techniques twice a day for about 5 minutes each time. Do not worry if you can't 'see' an object when you close your eyes. As you do more of such exercises, your mind gets used to it and you will improve. Just continue to practice this powerful exercise to improve your creativity. I had a few students who reported that after practising this technique for a few weeks, they tend to be able to memorize things more easily. Again, this is the result of using both sides of the brain.

Try it and enjoy!

Why having an attitude of gratitude is so important and how to do so

The recent earthquake in Haiti has made lots of my friends appreciate how fortunate they are to be living in such a comfortable environment. Sometimes you do not fully appreciate the things in life until they are gone.

Yet, there are still a number of people who seemingly are never grateful ro satisfied with the things that they already have. It is very unfortunate for these people because having such an attitude would only make daily life for them unenjoyable/unfulfilling no matter how much they achieve(it will never ever be good nough for them!) but also for those around them/their loved ones. When we are grateful/happy with what we already have, we tend to 'spread' this positive energy to others we come into contact with as well. I am not saying that one should not aim as high as possible in your goals/aspirations but one can aim high and be grateful for what one already has accomplished/the things/situations around you.

So, why does having an attitude of gratitude important?
A very simple answer, it improves the quality of your(and the people around you) lives by making one feel happy.

Ok, I know some of you might be asking yourselves, how does one display an attitude of gratitude when everything seem to go wrong?

That is exactly the problem. We tend to focus way too much on the negative side of things that we often forget to appreciate the positive. Even the things that seem small or minor should be fully appreciated. For example, just having a bed to sleep on at night should make you feel grateful. There are some people in different parts of the world who do not even have a home, let alone a bed to sleep on! There are many other things that people often take for granted such as the love of someone special, your general health and well being and the amount of money that you make.

Here are some action steps to develop an attitude of gratitude

1.) Write out a Gratitude List
Just take out a piece of paper and make a hand written list of the things that you can think of that you are grateful for. Think deeply about each area of your life(health, relationships, wealth etc) and begin to write in detail the good things that come to your mind as you write. You could spend about 5 minutes a day to do this. It does not matter whether the thing/situation seems small/minor, so long as it makes you feel happy/appreciative, list it down. Whenever you feel sad/down, look at this list. Although it would take some time, you will slowly start to feel much better.

2.) Visualize
Before going to bed, close your eyes and visualize all the things that you are grateful for that particular day. It could be getting a discount on a product/service, getting praise from your boss or simply getting home in time to watch your favourite movie.


Having the attitude of gratitude for all that you have right now would make you realise that you are living a fortunate life. You have a lot to offer the world. Do your best in everything that you do and spread the happiness around! Cheers!

Powerful ways to boost your energy levels!

I know lots of people who start the morning all bright and fresh after a good nights rest but their energy levels start to 'fizzle out' throughout the day. And by midday, they start to feel lethargic and lose interest in their daily activities.

Why does this happen to a lot of you?

This could be due to a combination of factors such as:
- Insufficient sleep
- Too much of caffeine intake
- Energy sapping food
- Imbalance and/or lack of certain vitamins and minerals
- Overwork
- Stress
- Hormonal Imbalance

But not to worry as there are fabulous ways to boost your energy levels and get you feeling that extra bounce in your step once again! I used to suffer from severe lack of energy, mostly occuring after 2pm. This happened when I was in the Army and a while after that as well. But I did some acupressure techniques and herbal remedies and soon enough, I was all energized and ready for work and play. Here are some powerful ways to boost your energy levels:

1.) Eat energy giving food
Raisins, nuts(almonds, cashews, macadamia etc) and sweet potatoes are great energy providing foods. And they do not give you that 'sudden drop' in energy levels the way that caffeine does.

2.) Acupressure
I shall explain a lot more about aupressure in my future posts but just know that acupressure means using your fingers to stimulate certain parts of the body to get relieve from certain ailments. It is used by millions of people around the world fr better health. It is very simple and effective. In a case of increasing energy levels, you should press the pad of your thumb area (please see the above picture of the adrenal glands) for about 1 minute. Use your right hand for the pressure stimulation and the left hand as a pressure point. You may proceed stimulating the other hand once you are done with the first. Try to repeat the sequence five times.

3.) Eat Breakfast
Breakfast is the first meal of the day and therefore, it is important that one should not miss it. A lot of people tend to skip Breakfast as they do not 'feel' like eating yet. I have to admit, I was one of them. But it really makes a huge difference if you take breakfast. Breakfast provides the energy that is needed to function successfully through the day so at leat take something light, a muffin or toast.

4.) Drink sufficient water
Stay hydrated. Drinking six to eight glasses of water(more if you are athletic) to prevent dehydration and the resulting fatigue from setting in.

5.) Take a 5 minutes 'belly breathing' break

Practice deep breathing techniques at least twice a day the day to bring in more oxygen to your body and mind. Remember, Breathe through your nose, inhale a deep breath for as many counts as is comfortable. Exhale through your mouth. Very slow and deep breaths.

6.) Talk to an energetic friend
I found this tip from the internet and I think it is a great idea. When I think about it, it does work very well. I have a friend who is so upbeat and hyperactive and everytime I spend time with her, I tend to feel energized as well. I guess the opposite is true as well. When you hang out with very relaxed people, you tend to feel relaxed as well.

Ok, have fun with these tips. Have an enjoyable day!

Why mental imagery is crucial in sports performance

I had the privilege of conducting sports peak performance programme for students and adult athletes last year with great success. I realise that in Singapore, a lot of professional athletes have underestimated the power of using mental imagery to improve their sports. I hope that they would appreciate the wonderful benefits that mental imagery would bring to their sporting aspirations.

How can mental imagery help?
It helps in many ways such as:
- Preparing you for unexpected sitautions that might occur during competitions. Your mind would already 'know' how to react in such difficult situations(eg hostile crowd, tough opponent etc)
- Relaxing your muscles. This could be before, during and after the event. Always remember that the mind control the body so whatever you can visualize, you can actualize, including physical stuff such as muscle relaxation.

What gives an athlete a competitive edge is the use of their psyche, and skills such as mental imagery. Many of the world’s best athletes are reporting using/have used mental imagery(such as Michael Jordan, Tiger Woods, Roger Federer, Lee Haney etc) to improve their performance and enable them to tap in to their potential. It has been proven that the implementation of mental imagery into training and competition increases performance. In fact, research has shown that imagining a muscle movement in the mind stimulates electrical activity in the muscle without actually moving it. Therefore, when an athlete imagines an aspect of their performance (skills, strategies, etc), they are making gains both mentally and physically, without actually physically exerting themselves!

So what exactly is mental imagery?
Mental imagery is imagining yourself performing exactly the way you want to. It is a mental preparation on your intended physical performance.

Last year, I worked with a student athlete who was preparing for a major age group hockey tournament. This was her first major competition and she was feeling very nervous. So I worked with her for about 6 sessions (about an hour each time), guiding her in mental imagery and relaxation techniques. And it worked really well for her. She appeared tremedously calm during the entire tournament, showed great leadership skills to her fellow teammates and emerged as one of the top scorers of the competition even though she was not considered one of the top players at that point in time. I was nt surprised at her accomplishments as I have used mental imagery for my own sports performances as well. When I was competing in the National arm wrestling contests, I used lots of mental imagery, even more than my physical training! And I am sure that it had contributed a great deal in me winning the two titles and coming runner up in one!

So, mental imagery is a great way to give you that little extra against your competitors. I would be discussing more of mental imagery in my other posts. In the meanwhile, should you have any questions, please feel free to email me at bodypulse@ymail.com. Have a great week!

Tips on dealing with a breakup

I received this email and decided to respond as I have noticed that quite a number of people struggle to deal with breakups. I know of a few friends who had even tried ending their lives over a breakup. This is a very sad situation because as painful as a breakup is, there is absolutely no need to cause further hardship to yourselves and your loved ones by losing self control. I know that it is easier said that done, but you must at least try to get back into some normal routine to your life back on track. Here's the email and my tips on dealing with a breakup.

Dear Naz,

My girlfriend has just broken up with me. I am feeling so helpless and useless! After not being a relationship for over two years, I really thought that this girl was the one for me. We shared such wonderful moments but I do not know why she has decided to treat me this way. I feel so hurt and betrayed. The worse thing was that she always said that she loved me and wanted to be with me for the rest of her life. What on earth went wrong! My life is probably over now as I do not know how I can carry on without her. There will never be another girl like her. Now, I am doomed! Please give me some of your expert advice. Thanks.

Mr K from Singapore

Dear Mr K,

I am very sorry that things worked out this way between the both of you. I can only imagine how painful something like this can be for you after being in the realtionship for two years. It can be totally crushing! The more time that the two of you spend together, the more devastating the whole situation would be. But remember the most important thing; There are so much more to your life. You owe it to yourself and your loved ones to carry on living with purpose and enthusiasm. There is just so much more in life and although I do not know your age, I am sure that there are so many more things(career ambitions, lifestyle, familywise) that you would like to achieve. Take this as a learning experience. I know it must be really hard and you might spend quite a lot of sleepless nights thinking about 'what might have been' and many other questions but it is alright to let it all out to release your anxiety. The number on thing that can heal a broken heart is time. The only problem is that it might take some time and it is what you do during this time that is crucial in getting over this very sad situation. Here are some tips:

1.) Do some fun things for yourself
Give yourself more free time and really enjoy this free time. Do something that you have always wanted to do but always keep putting off, whether it is attending your favourite live football match, taking that much needed trip, hang out with other friends or just going to the gym. Keep busy by doing more of what is fun to you. When you do this, you will feel your energy levels rising again resulting in happier days ahead.
2.) Appreciate the good things in your life
I am sure that there are other things in your life that you are happy about. It could be a promotion that you got, a competition that you had won, a great piece of music that you had written or something as simple(or maybe not so simple to some!) as completing an hour of exercise! By appreciating the nice and simple things that have been going your way, you will realize that there is really so much more to look forward to in your life.
3.) Have a heart to heart chat with someone
If after a few weeks, you still feel stressed over the situation and find it very difficult to get back to your normal routine, you should have a heart to heart talk with someone close(family members and close friends) or if all else fails, you might need to seek some professional help from a counsellor.

However, as they say, time heals all wounds (although the scar might remain there forever) and I am confident that you have the strength to get over this breakup. Keep your chin up, smile as much as you can and continue doing the best in whatever you do. All the best!

Naz

Upcoming programmes 2-Jan update

Here's more upcoming programmes to be held on the 23rd and 24th of January 2010. Please email us at bodypulse@ymail.com for enquiries/registration. Please take note that pre-registration is required for all our programme/events. We look forward to seeing everyone there! Cheers!
'Break the Chains'

Ever wanted to overcome your greatest fears and addictions? Are your fears and addictions becoming a stumbling block to a more enjoyable and fulfilling life? Then join us in this priceless and highly effective course to eliminate all your fears and addictions using self hypnosis and other mental skills techniques.

Participants will learn in this highly effective half day Workshop:
 How to overcome feelings of fear/phobias (crowds, animals, public speaking, blood etc)!!
 How to overcome cravings and addictions (internet, smoking, drugs, sex etc)
 Effective, powerful methods of visualization to eliminate self sabotaging behaviours.

Duration: 4 hours
Date: 23rd January 2010,Saturday
Time: 1pm-5pm
Location: Bodypulse, 37A Hong Kong Street, Singapore 059676

The Power of alternative healing
 
Participants will learn in this highly effective half day Workshop:
- Unique methods to overcome common ailments, both physical and mental.
- An overview of the different therapies around the world and case studies on their effectiveness.
 
Duration: 4 hours
Date: 24th January 2010,Sunday
Time: 1pm-5pm
Location: International Plaza

How to utilize the power of affirmations

I have been getting a few emails on the effectiveness on using affirmations(positive statements) to improve different aspect of their lives. Some people have been using affirmations but have seen slow progress in their self improvement goals. Some common questions wth regards to using affirmations includes:

1.) Do I have to combine it with visualization?
2.) How often should I use them?
3.) Any tips on making it more powerful, ie speed up the results.
4.) Should I write down my affirmations?
5.) Must I really say it out loud?

From my personal experience, using affirmations can bring you amazing results in changing mindset and limiting beliefs. However, there are a few pointers that one should follow in order to maximize the power of affirmations. So let me give you some pointers by answering the questions listed above:

1.) Is it a must to combine it with creative visualization?
Not necessarily. You can use affirmations on its own. However, from my clients' feedback from my courses, it makes using affirmations more powerful if you combine it with visualization.

2.) How often should I use them?
There are no hard and fast rules on how often you should use them. The more often that you use them, the faster the results. This is because the mind accepts whatever affirmations that you say as being 'the real thing' and you tend to see results quicker. I have a student who wanted to reduce his internet addiction and he repeated his affirmations about 50 times througout the day. Another client who wanted to cure her insomnia repeated her affirmations about 10 times each day. Both saw results within a month so it really depends on each individual. Try whatever is most convenient for you.

3.) Any tips on making it more powerful, ie speed up the results.

Yes, as mentioned above, combining it with visualization is an excellent way to 'power up' your affirmations. Other tips on using affirmations would be:
i) Use affirmations in the present tense- For example, do not say 'I am going to get over this breakup.' Instead, say, 'I am happy that I have gotten over the breakup.'
ii) Try to be as relaxed as possible- Take 2-3 minutes to do some deep breathing before repeating your affirmation. When we are relaxed, our conscious minds are less intrusive, thus leaving our subconscious minds wide open to receive the affirmations more readily.
iii) Write them down- Like I mentioned before, you can't hit a target that you can't see. So write them out several times. Ideally, you should put them in places where you can see them regularly but I know quite a lot of people who would like to keep their affirmations to themselves so it is alright if you do not paste them up in various places.
iv) Use short sentences- Short sentences would be more easily accpeted by the mind. If the affirmation is really a long one, break them up into two or three sentences and say them one after another.
v) Your affirmations should be directed at your emotional mind for the greatest effect- This is because when you really feel excited over your affirmations, it would be more easily accepted by your subconscious rather than something that feels forced.

4.) Should I write down my affirmations?

Not necessarily although it does speed up the results, as mentioned in my answer to question 3.
5.) Must I really say it out loud?
Again, not necessarily although it does speed up the results.
Additional tips:

1.) Affirmations should focus on what you want, not what you don’t want.
Write your affirmations to affirm what you do want. Here are some examples:


I don’t want to gain weight- Not good

I lose weight easily and effortlessly- Great!

I never want to be unemployed- Not good

I am so glad to be employed with my favourite company- Great!
2.) Begin your affirmation with "I." The more you personalize what you say the more it will sink into your subconscious mind.


The Benefits of using affirmations

•When used properly, they can change your attitude and behaviours.
•Can change negative thinking into positive.
•Can help you stay focused.
•Can help you relax and release tension.
•They can motivate you to achieve your goals.

I hope that you would continue using your affirmations to achieve your goals and aspirations. Keep up the good work!

Report on students' enrichment activity

My team had the honour and privilege of conducting an enrichment programme on Monday for a group of 14 year olds at a local Secondary School. It was a great experience and we were so glad to receive such warm and glowing feedback from most of the students who participated in the programme. Here's more about what the programme was about:

Name: Conflict and Self- Management

Synopsis: Students were taught techniques to resolve conflicts and to relieve stress and anger. The whole programme was based on the STAR principle, that is, whenever they feel stressed or a conflict approaching, they should Stop, Think and Review/Relax in order to resolve the situation in a more amicable way. There was a section on progressive relaxation technique as well as meditation. Some of the feedback given by the students were as follows:

'The Trainers were great! coach An really motivated us to learn.'
Mohd

'I liked the part where we had to act out the different situations. It was fun!'
Amanda

'Thank you for teaching us very interesting relaxation techniques.'
Jonathan

We would like to thank the school for bringing our course to their students. We look forward to bringing more of such courses/workshops in future to  as many schools/organizations as possible.

So you want to start a business?

I have been receiving some emails with regards to starting up a business. So e of you would like to know the guidlines and procedures, whereas others would like to know what are some tips to get their businesses rolling. Just some backgroud on being your own boss. A lot of people think that it's very easy being your own boss as you have your own timetable/schedule. You can worm whenever you feel like, you have no one to report to and you can do what you really like doing. Ok, while it is great to be able to work at your own schedule, it takes a lot of hard work and effort to start to get the business moving. The beginning is always the most difficult part of starting a business, regardless of whether you are selling a product or providing a service.

Most successful entrepreneurs would tell you that if they llok back and calculate the amount of hours that they work, it actually adds up to more than the usual 8 or 9 hours that the regular office worker works per day. But of course, once you are successful and have build a solid brand (which could take anything from a year to a few years), you can start realizing your other dreams and start getting others to share the running of the business with you.

For me, I started my business in mid 2006 and had zero clients for about a year. I did everything that I could. I snail mailed hundreds of brochures, made cold calls and visited companies. But without a testimonial and experience, it was extremely difficult to get my first client.

But as they say, persistence does pay off. After a year of struggles, I had clinched my first client and made a profit of $20. Even though it was only a small amount, the mere thought of clinching a contract and getting a testimonial made me feel so proud and satisfied.

So one word of advice to all budding entrepreneurs out there; never ever give up! If you really have it in your heart to start your dream business, just follow it and do not let anyone/anything stop you. It can be the most rewarding experience of your life so keep your dreams alive by constantly visualizing and practising positive self talk!

Here are some tips if you are thinking of starting your own business:

1.) Make sure you have some savings 
Have some savings as a backup for the first six months of starting a business. This is because no matter how good you might be at promotion, you should always be prepared in case you might not get enough profits the first few months. The money would come in handy for your daily expenses and further promos.

2.) Give excellent service. Sell great products
It sounds like a no brainer but people tend to forget that the customers are the reason why you are living your dream. Give them your best and they will keep coming back to you and even give you referrals. There is simply no compromise for the quality of the products and/or services!

3.) Make use of the internet
Even if you are not running an online store/business, using the internet can open many more doors for your business. Write a blog, advertise on public forums, use social networking sites and so on. Make sure that you use each and every avenue available to let your potential clients to know that you exist.

Please feel free to email me any questions at bodypulse@ymail.com. Enjoy the wonderful start to the year!

Reader's email

Here's a very interesting email I received today. The person is obviously stressed out quite badly. Anyway, here's the email and my response:

Dear Naz,

I feel very stressed out! It is my first day at school and I am already having trouble getting along with everyone! My form Teacher is so strict, I am starting to wonder if she ever smiles! And to top it all off, I had my allowance 'cut' by my parents for not doing well enough last year. But I was in the top ten in my cohort! What do I have to do to gain some respect here. This is so unfair. I am really feeling stressed out and it is only the first 4 days of the New Year. Please give me whatever advice you can. Thank you.

Anonymous, student, Singapore


Dear Anonymous,

It must be really tough for you, everything all coming on at once. Although I do sympathize with you with all the problems that you have described but I feel that the best thing for you to do right now is to remain positive. Like you said, it is only the first four days in the New Year and there is really no need to start getting stressed out/overwhelmed by these matters. One tip for you is to immediately start doing something that you really enjoy doing. Do it now, even if it is something that you usually reserve the weekend for. It could be watching your favourite movies, writing or playing online games. Doing something you love and enjoy would start improving your mood slowly but surely. And even though those problems wold still exist, being in a better mood would enable your mind to think of solutions more easily as we tend to think better when we are more relaxed.

With regards to not getting along well with your new classmates, I would suggest that you continue to give it a try to get along with as many of them as possible. It is only the first day of school so everyone might still be feeling the 'holiday hangover' so give them some time and who knows, you might make a great buddy from this new group that you thought was not helpful. Same advice goes with regards to your Form Teacher. We are all human and we do feel 'The Monday Blues' so give it some time as well.

With regards to your parents' expectations, I agree that living up to others expectations can put unecessary stress on oneself. But instead of viewing it in a negative manner, perhaps you could take it as a challenge and channel your energy into doing even better. If they still do not appreciate you after that, just remind yourself that you have done your best (but really do your best!) and be proud of whatever you have accomplished.

Have a great year ahead!


If you would like to send me an email, please send it to bodypulse@ymail.com, preferably with your name, occupation and where you are from, just so that I can get to know you better. Thank you!

Tips on improving your public speaking skills

When I conducted my very first programme back in 2004, I was a bundle of nerves presening in front of a mere 8-10 participants! Even though you might practice countlessnumber of hours each day, one would still feel nervous speaking in front of a group of strangers. I have picked up lots of great advice from my mentors and fellow professionals over the years to be a powerful public speaker. Nowadays, I have no problems conducting a full day programme in front of 1000 people! Here are some tips for those who would like to get started with public speaking. I will talk more about this in my future posts.

1.) Prepare your presentation well
Yes, you have to do your homework! Put in that extra effort and you will find that the words will come naturally to you. Another advise would be to present about a topic that you enjoy. That way, there would less likelyhood of you 'freezing' or fumbling with your presentation. And when you speak about something that you really like, you would genuinely be very enthusiastic and this enthusiasm would be transferred to your audience. Try it!

2.) Act confident and you'll BE confident
The moment you face your audience, please smile. Stick your chest out and stand with your feet about shoulder width apart. When you do this, you will feel confident. Remember, your audience are there to hear you speak so you are the authority on the subject.

3.) Do some deep breathing
Yes, it really does help. I shall talk more about the benefits of breathing exercises in my other posts but just know that by taking deep breathes, you take in a lot more oxygen, which make you feel less tense. That in turn allows you to be more comfortable and confident. So, do about 3-5 minutes of breathing exercises before facing your audience.

4.) Connect with your audience
Yes, the people that matters the most! You must give your audience the respect by looking at people in the eye, one at a time, as you speak to them. Occasionally shift your focus to different groups of people. Add a few jokes no matter what your subject matter might be. This would put your audience in a light hearted mood and it would in turn be easier for you as I am sure that you would agree that it is much easier to talk to a groupd of people who are smiling than a group who look so serious!

5.) Use real life stories
Everyone loves hearing real life examples and stories as in most cases, people can relate to those situations and it would definitely strike a cord with them. It can also be very entertaining to add stories as it shift your presentation away from your more technical information/statistics.

Improve your emotional intelligence

Happy New Year!

I am sure that everyone is feeling great and ready to go through the year with passion and ethusiasm. I hope that everyone enjoyed yourselves ushering in the new year in your own special ways.

On New Year's Eve, I took a cab after conducting a programme and the taxi driver was telling me lots of stories about how he had very bad encounters with 'difficult' passengers and how grateful he was that I seemed like such a friendly person. He asked me for any advice that I could give him in order for him to not be overly affected by other people's negative reactions and comments. I just told him that happiness starts with himself and that while we might not be able to control people's thoughts and actions, we can control our own reactions to their actions/comments. We should not let the actions of others affect our own happiness and positive feelings. So for today, I would like to give some tips on how to improve one's emotional intelligence.

Firstly, what is emotional intelligence(EQ)?
It is the ability, capacity and skill to identify, assess, and manage the emotions of one's self, of others, and of groups. A person with high EQ would enable him/her to form better relationships with others due to being able to better understand the thoughts, feelings and actions of others and yourself.

1.) Identify Distortions in negative thoughts
Write down the negative thoughts. Once we see that our negative thoughts and beliefs are not realistic, it’s much easier to replace them with thoughts that are more positive and realistic.


2.)Try to avoid negative people
This is muight be difficult especially if they are your co-workers who you see everyday. But at least try not to have too much of an effect on how you feel. The moment these people start to get to you remember 'STAR', stop, think and relax(STAR).
 
3.) Put yourself in the other person's shoes
This can be very powerful to actually 'feel' what they are really feeling. Just stop for a few minutes and think of a situation when you were in a similar situation. How did you feel when the other party reacted like how you are going to react to the person/situation. If you use this method, there would be a much higher chance of you reacting in a way that makes you and the other person feel good.
 
3.) Channel your anger in positive ways
I shall talk about anger in detail next time but just a simple tip. The next time that you feel angry, try to do something more positive rather than brood about the problem or person. Maybe do something that require physical energy. It might not necessarily be exercise. It could be something as simple as re-arranging your wardrobe or cleaning up your workspace.
 
Alright, I will be updating you on my upcoming programmes very soon. Enjoy yourselves!
 
Happy New Year!