On New Year's Eve, I took a cab after conducting a programme and the taxi driver was telling me lots of stories about how he had very bad encounters with 'difficult' passengers and how grateful he was that I seemed like such a friendly person. He asked me for any advice that I could give him in order for him to not be overly affected by other people's negative reactions and comments. I just told him that happiness starts with himself and that while we might not be able to control people's thoughts and actions, we can control our own reactions to their actions/comments. We should not let the actions of others affect our own happiness and positive feelings. So for today, I would like to give some tips on how to improve one's emotional intelligence.
Firstly, what is emotional intelligence(EQ)?
It is the ability, capacity and skill to identify, assess, and manage the emotions of one's self, of others, and of groups. A person with high EQ would enable him/her to form better relationships with others due to being able to better understand the thoughts, feelings and actions of others and yourself.
1.) Identify Distortions in negative thoughts
Write down the negative thoughts. Once we see that our negative thoughts and beliefs are not realistic, it’s much easier to replace them with thoughts that are more positive and realistic.
2.)Try to avoid negative people
This is muight be difficult especially if they are your co-workers who you see everyday. But at least try not to have too much of an effect on how you feel. The moment these people start to get to you remember 'STAR', stop, think and relax(STAR).
3.) Put yourself in the other person's shoes
This can be very powerful to actually 'feel' what they are really feeling. Just stop for a few minutes and think of a situation when you were in a similar situation. How did you feel when the other party reacted like how you are going to react to the person/situation. If you use this method, there would be a much higher chance of you reacting in a way that makes you and the other person feel good.
3.) Channel your anger in positive ways
I shall talk about anger in detail next time but just a simple tip. The next time that you feel angry, try to do something more positive rather than brood about the problem or person. Maybe do something that require physical energy. It might not necessarily be exercise. It could be something as simple as re-arranging your wardrobe or cleaning up your workspace.
Alright, I will be updating you on my upcoming programmes very soon. Enjoy yourselves!
Happy New Year!
