Dear Naz,
I am a 23 year old lady working as a personal assistant in a law firm. I have been working here for the past six months and it has been pure torture! The problem that I have is with coping with my boss' attitude; he never appeciates what I do! He is rude, arrogant and unappreciative! I once even reported to work when I was down with the flue but he did not even acknowledge it, even though he knew that I was unwell. Instead, he nagged at me for not completing a task on time the previous day. I would have left a few weeks into the job but the pay here is excellent and I was out of a job for a very long time so I really needed to keep a job. I am also afraid if I were to resign, it might not look good on my resume(it might look like I am a job hopper and would reduce my chances of getting hired elsewhere). Any advice on how to deal with this situation. By the way, I am a Polytechnic graduate in Marketing. Thanks.
Eileen Koh, PA, Singapore
Dear Eileen,
In order to help you to make a decision on what you should do next, you will need to weigh your options by asking yourself some questions. Is the money that you are getting worth all the difficulty that you are going through? For example, when you look at your bank account at the end of the month, do you say to yourself, 'Hey, all the hard work and torture is worth it!' or do you say, 'All this money is good, but I am not happy at all!'
A suggestion would be to try to take a few steps in dealing with your seemingly difficult boss and see if you feel better. Give yourself some time, at least a month. If after trying out several techniques that I am about to tell you and you still feel like you are working in a 'torture chamber' then you would have to weigh your priorities. Which is more important to you at this point in time? Money or happiness? I know you would like to say both(doesn't eevryone!) but if you had to make a choice (which in your situation, you do!) which would it be? Do you mind going through all the problems for a great looking bank account or is living a happy life more important.
Here's some tips on dealing with a difficult person:
1.) Keep cool
I know sometimes it is easier said than done but you have to use relaxation methods to help yourself cool down. Never ever riase your voice or get your anger and frustrations get out of control. Realise that you are NOT the problem and that you are in total control of yoir emotions. No one else can make you feel sad because you are the only one to determine the way that you feel. You could also leave the area that started the difficult situation for a while as a 'cooling off' technique.
2.) Minimize your response
Just continue doing your job well. Many times when a person initiates a negative message or difficult attitude, they are trying to trigger a response from you. When we react, we are actually giving them what they want. By not showng much emotions/reactions, they might get bored with your unresponsiveness and stop bothering you altogether.
3.) Use a pleasent picture as your personal 'energizer'
Keep your favourite photo near your desk. It could be someone who is special to you or just an all time favourite family outing. Whenever you get yourself in contact with these difficult people and/or situations, just take a deep breath and look at the photo for a minute. Distracting your mind into thinking of happy thoughs and memories are a great way of uplifting your mood. This would allow you to deal with the situation better.
Of course if at the end of the day, you feel the best way is to move on, then do so. Remember that you are still young and having constant stress would affect not just your mood but your general physical well being too. So sit down, think about it very carefully, weigh your options and make your decision. I am sure that with your positive attitude you will definitely go far with whatever decision/s that you ultimately make. All the best!
Naz
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