Dear Naz,
I have been feeling very stressed lately over something. In the past month or so, I have been losing my temper more frequently than normal. And to make matters worse, I have been expressing my anger and frustrations in ways that I have never ever done in my life. This has affected my relationship with my family, friends and colleagues. When I get angry, I used to be able to get over it after having some 'time out'. But nowadays, the cooling off period does not seem to work. After two or three days, I still feel angry and frustrated with a particular person or incident. And I have tried meditation and other relaxation techniques but there have been little improvements. I feel that if I do not cope with this situation effectively, I might explode one day and I fear even causing physical harm to people because I do feel extremely angry. Why is this suddenly happening to me? Is this just a phase that would disappear? Could you please advise me on any methods that I could to cope with this? Thank you very much.
Lin, Waitress, Singapore
Dear Lin,
From what you have described, it does seem like you might have many months or perhaps even years of anger and frustration kept inside of you and have reached a breaking point. That could probably be the reason why you always feel angry and are not having much success controlling your anger at thsi point in time. When minor and routine everyday situations where anger is not necessary make you angry then it is an indication that you need to reduce your anger and work on managing your anger in a positive and constructive way. You have a right to be concerned and worried because when anger is expressed in a negative way it can come out as being very aggressive, by becoming violent and in threatening others. This is anger which is out of control which can quickly lead to all kinds of trouble for yourself and a breakdown in relationships. However, please also remember that if and whenever you feel angry you have every right to express it in a healthy/appropriate way/s.
Sometimes people have a lot of anger inside them as a result of things which have happened to them in their past - business failure, abuse, broken relationships, employability problems, etc. Sometimes when you do not release anger appropriately, it remains deep in your subconcious and when there is finally no more room for this so called 'storage', you would suddenly explode over a minor matter. It's like a balloon bursting after being over inflated. That is why I would always advise people that prevention is far better than cure. Even on days that you are not feeling stressed out and/or angry, try to have your own 'quiet time' or do things that you really enjoy.
So, the question now is what can you do at this point in time to cope with your current situation? Before I answer that, let me answer your other question. Is this just a 'phase' that wuld disappear? It could be. It all depends on various factors such as what triggered the first anger outburst that started this chain of feeling angry and frustrated. Were there any major changes in your life? For example, did you relocate? Did you switch jobs? Did you have a very bad incident with someone you loved? Your sudden outburst of anger could disppear once you are able to accept whatever situation that started the reaction that you are now experiencing. Like I mentioned earlier, it could also be a result of many months or perhaps even years of keeping anger ad frustration inside of you.
At this point in time, it would be good for you to take some time off from work or your regular routine just to keep your mind away from potential stressors. You might not be able to figure out what the stressors are as there has already been so many things that has happened over the past month so it might be good to just take things easy for a while to get your mind away from the environment that is triggering your negative response to anger. So here's what you can do right now:
- Take a short break(it can be just a couple of days)
- Do at least 1 thing that you truly enjoy that you have been putting off for quite some time.
- Continue doing your meditation as it might take more than a month to see some improvement.
- Once you get back to work, place a photograph of yourself in the environment that you were in during your 'time off'. This would act like an achor to get your mind into thinking of feeling great whenever you tend to start feeling angry/frustrated.
I do hope that you find the advice useful. Please feel free to email me and let me know how things are going. All the best.
Yours sincerely,
Naz
If you would like to email a question, please send it to bodypulse@ymail.com. Thank you very much.
Happy Easter to all our Christian friends!
